Love(?) Letters for My Imaginary Darling

  Yes, when I do not try to leave anyone or keep anyone, THEN and only then can I find out who will leave me or who will keep me. ** I guess. ** Why? I stop trying. Why? Because I am so tired. ~ ~ ~ If you want, you can read more. Otherwise stay, or stay away. It does not - would not matter I guess. It is your choice. My choice now - I choose to stop trying. I am so tired of  trying to be strong for others, I am so tired of wishing the best for others, I am just so tired of trying... to convince, trying to try, trying to see what the other one sees and trying to do what is right for every one.  I am just so frigging tired of trying to save the worlds for everyone else!  AND I am so tired of trying to take care of my two worlds.!!  So I will try no more!  I will not try anymore to do anything more for anyone. No one. Not even me .  I will just let everything be. Just let EVERY frigging thing just LET BE . As they are.  They "all can slide down my ...

  Epilog of the Other Goodbye - the Prolog of this Goodbye  Re-Living the Memories of Another Goodbye ... I am finding out, my darling, that it was all written in the books already. We did not have to re-do it. We have done it - you and I - already!  We did not have to do it: It had already been done. I did not have to write it: It had already been written... Written In Our Books... It was written in our books at that other Goodbye, that we go away ... and come back.., again for this goodbye.  Is it written in the books - that we come back for another Goodbye, too, after this one... (postscript: I am writing to you these pages... until 19:33. Minutes later.. I find out, that you have been writting to me, too. 18:44.) In my heart I am with you... The Epilog - Prolog. The Other . . . 05.03.'20 ~ ~ ~ This . . . 05.08.'20 ~ ~ ~ Sweet Memories of That Other Goodbye ... "bitter" sweet ? ... I don't know... No. Not bitter. It was - it is - only sweet... how we let go. ho...

  Darling my Sweetschatz, Here are the only words that I wished to tell you.  These few pages have every thing which I wished for you to know.. to hear.. when I came to you for that one final goodbye for us.  These words bring the "essence" of the message which we were getting together, - which I was bringing to you - During that whole massive operation of the crazy travel and the sweet, sad, mad and intense, intimate Episode called "Our Goodbye." The times and everything was not always clear. We might have both missed some clues. If you were reading me, you would have understood me better - about what I was doing. But you did not have time to read. And I did not have time to speak... We were not listening or hearing properly. So we were both not so clear what the other one was doing. I think that is what happened... It was confusing. You must have been very much under pressure. I am sorry if I have given you any cause to doubt my intention. I did not think that you...

Who Was That Person Who Came to Say Goodbye?  That person, who looked like you, tells me.. It was you? You tell me: "I don't want to be rude if you come back and invite me to drink coffee or something. I don't want to seem rude also if you write to me. Don't know how to reply."  I am surprised. I want to ask you "Didn't you read anything I have written to you in the last four weeks?" You continue talking, as if you have forgotten all we have talked before - as if you forgot all that we were feeling few days earlier as we were holding each other and talking about our 'stopping us.' .. You continue saying - "I cannot stop you from coming here. But if you come and if Alicia sees you, there is a big risk. Consequences. We talked on that". Ah. So you remembered one part which we talked about. But you forgot the part that we said we say good bye? - Or did you think that I forgot that part? But.. did you forget? - That I wrote it a thousan...

  Farewell that Never Happened. It could have been a beautiful 'Goodbye' - if we both had been there, in our true selves! If we had  both  trusted  ourselves , that we were there to say Goodbye -we could have done it so beautifully, .... with the honest emotions ... with the real feelings ... with the real "us" -- you + me. For a proper beautiful sweet Farewell.  All of You, with All of Me. At a time and place with an Open End. For us!  And that one single wish was exactly what I did not get. I wonder why the "Real You" did not appear in the Farewell. Darling, I wonder what happened to you. You did not come to say farewell to her. You have sent someone else. She had to take leave from someone else, not You. Where were you!? I did not see you. And ... that was she, who left that other person, who was impersonating you. What happened to you? Why did you send this one insensitive, arrogant, unsure person who could not believe that she was there to leave you?...

Even the Wish that I  Go A way From You - I make that wish come true for you.    - Because All Your Wishes Come True. Guaranteed.  From me. My Sweet Darling, my Imaginary Love(r), I said to you once  with all my imaginary love, to please be careful what you wish from me, because I make All your wishes come true. I said to you that once. Just once. Because  Every truth needs to be said only once - It is always there. There is always only one single truth. Once is enough to say about a one single truth, isn't it? ~ ~ ~ Darling my Sweet imaginary Schatz, When you do not come to me, you will belong to someone else: you will not even belong to your Own Self. What a Pity. You lose yourself, when you lose me - you give you to someone else - who will - who has - who had - .. lost you already. You give you to the same person, who keeps losing you again and again. And again, And during this recurring process of giving yourself to someone who loses you, you will keep ...

Start. Untitled Letter. Is this the End? ​​ Date: Sat, 1 Aug 2020 at 01:37 Subject: Contrast. One sentence. Said goodbye Wish you all the best. 01 08 2020 at 01:35 am. ​ One sentence..  It's kind of contrasting in meaning.  Because I prefer to meet you and tell you personally, that we do not need to meet again to say goodbye.  because... we said goodbye already?  I don't know.  Ask that I know it's that I do not want to do this goodbye thing anymore.  It is stupid to say goodbye to great5, amazing 6 things and wonderful people.  It is sad to say goodbye to the one person whom I.....  So I do not want to say goodbye.  Instead, Darling,  let us consider it already done.  So you do not need to meet me again,  we do not have to meet again unless you want to.  Yes, I would ashtrays want to and would like to see you.. But we do not have to.  I hope... that it okay and that you understand... so please tell me now, what you t...